I Have Discovered Something Unbelievable

I think I had an epiphany last night. So, I'm in the bath, right? You know, taking a bath and what not. Before you know it I've gone and fallen asleep in there. A couple hours later or so I hear what sounds like my mom and our hunky USPS breaking down the door, since he typically stays the night on bath night, since he has Narcolepsy and also is too tired to go home by the time he gets at our house. This is because his route ends at our place on Sunday night (Same night my Dad's out for his weekly business conference.) Plus my mom takes Barbiturates, Ambien, and drinks a lot of wine on the weekends, so she's too tired usually to do anything but lay on her back with her arms and legs spread out.

So I figure, they probably think I died again, since I'm on all this dark web GHB covered injectable heroin Flintstones gummies my dad made me buy after my Grandpa (Whose on steroids and my dad is terrified of) made us all go to this family counseling session, and the therapist suggested I talk to my pops about my feelings. Dad said the gummies are made to help conversations be more productive but every single time I inject myself with one I fall asleep for a second and by the time I wake up he's always gone. So I figure I must be too much of a pussy for the medicine, which is all the more reason dad wouldn't wanna talk to me in the first place.

So anyway, lately I've been really craving those vitamins. Like more and more. My therapist said this is my subconsciouses way of telling me I want even more to talk to my Dad.. But back to the bathroom situation.

I hear the most massive "BANG!" on the door, like someone's using throwing themself against it at the same time as like ten other guys or.. big muscley gals. I spring up to grab a towel but slip on what can only be the 'no eye burn' shampoo I took the lid off of to yank it with and must have fallen asleep before I could spank my own spunk, because I mean it's reaaalll slick. I slide forward and am literally taken off of the ground, like my feet are up in the air and "CRACKK" just before I fall back down into the freezing cold bath water, I catch a glimpse of our USPS dude holding my mom like a battering ram and can hear her snore before another CRACK. And this ones bad sounding.

As I'm laying there flat with my legs up in the air, I notice that the back of my head feels like, totally flat. And that's when the pain starts. I spring up and just like I'm sure you're imagining would happen, my hands go right to the source and I am rubbing my eyes like crazy. But this shouldn't be possible, right? Of course I'm not asking, that was totally rhetorical. I Bought. Th.. My bad, sorry.. My mom bought. The no sting. Shampoo! That means somebody tampered with the water.

So Big Eddy (Our mail dude, my bad forgot I didn't give you guys his name.) is like "You alright, Billy? Your mom may not seem like it now, she took some more of the old stash of Quaaludes your Grandma had stashed away in her coffin we found last week, but like 5 - 10 minutes ago, she was screaming bloody murder, thought you were dead.. I knew it was a bad idea to fill the insides of the door with concrete before we went to her bedroom to check the mail. She just was gonna wrap your Christmas gift and didn't want you coming in like last time when you thought you saw me naked before I told you about the x-ray contacts I put in your eyes while you were snoozing after your last visit with your dad."

But I was paralyzed. He had gone on for two or three minutes, but the more I rubbed my eyes, the worse it hurt. So finally I just stopped and you won't believe what I saw.. "Big Eddy!" I say, "Don't move!" I see two sets of hands go up in the air, one looking like Big Eddy facing the other direction towards the mirror, like he was checking his face for any of the type of crazy shit I was seeing. He puts his hands on the back of his head, and so does the fuzzy ghost looking thing mimicking him. "Look, Billy.." Eddy says. "Just put the gun down, I promise, we weren't doing anything. Those vibrating noises you heard the other night, those were jus.." "A Robot!" I blurt out. Roy pauses while I piece things together. "Erm.. Yes. A robot. Just what you just said." He turns towards me. "Ahh.. Jesus kid, put a towel on, I've got my mail pouch here if yo.."

It made perfect sense. His voice trailed off. Of course, a ghost was too obvious. The blurry double of his was just way too stiff. What had he said a second ago? 'Put the gun down?' "Oh shit.." I say. "Oh shit." Eddy repeats. "My double.. It's got a gun? I spin around looking for it." I hear Eddy gasp. I freeze. "Jesus, kid! The back of your head is as flat as an ATM! Matter of fact I see a bunch of shit floating around in the tub there. Hope it's receipts or some bills and not any of your gears. I sure don't hear any turning up there."

I'm too afraid to speak as I kneel down and begin to stick my arm in the bath to feel around, but I'm just a tad smarter than some gear-headed radioshack is gonna make me look. I jump up, having grabbed the plunger and swing it around smacking Joe and his Robot in the process. SMACK "Got em'!" Eddy tumbles backwards "Jesus kid!" I smile as I feel around, safely now, in the water. Feeling around some crumbly bits catch my attention. I palm them and present my findings to Eddy. "Look, you wouldn't believe it, it's.." "Bits of skull! My God!" He begins gasping and runs out of the room. "NO!" I yell after him. "It's Robot bits and pieces. They make them to look just like real people.."

Real people.. It plays over and over again in my head as I try to contain myself. It all makes sense now. The vibrations and screaming from my mom's room on election night.. The vote counters.. Using robots that look just like real people. IT'S almost too perfect. This information may be dangerous, but it has to get out there. Think of all the warnings.. Terminator 2. He looked just like an actual person.. Transformers are good guys they don't count.. But what about Spongebob?? "Bee boo boo Bee bop" It seems like almost a revelation now. What if Mr. Krabs was programmed to show emotion for those broken appliances. I think back now to my favorite childhood memories and they all feel wasted now.

Spongebob was trying to warn me that Joe Biden would use robots that look like people to pretend to count votes.. It's all so obvious. Think of all the other episodes of Spongebob that came after that. Krabs has been a Robot ever since that episode. And what about "Kidz Bop?" Bee boo boo bop ... Oh my God it's worse than I thought. I have to save the kids. I must stop the steel.

I got back into the tub to rummage for more parts and then jumped out shouting "Eureka!" I have been running naked down the street away from the police ever since. They're on to me... I typed this out in the woods. Tell me what I should do, quick. I hear beeping.

submitted by /u/TheNewCultKing
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracytheories/comments/klwads/i_have_discovered_something_unbelievable/